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In the world of dating and relationships there is a great deal of ‘putting yourself out there’ involved and in order to do this… Well, firstly you need to be confident!
Now, this is a lot easier said than done because there are a lot of shy people out there (me included), so I thought I would write a little article about the importance of confidence not only in dating and relationships but how it can also be a wonderful thing for other areas of your life.
In dating there is such a huge emphasis on being confident and being able to make a good impression which is kind of ironic when the entire notion of dating itself (unless you’re a very confident person already) is very nerve-wracking. Let’s be honest. We live in a society where we are forced to believe that what’s on the inside is what counts most; however when placed in a ‘first date’ situation we end up judging what’s on the outside before we even get there. It’s just one of those things.
What can we do when we are presented with a situation that we have no prior connection to or any idea about? The key to overcoming this is to build on your personal confidence. This is easier said than done, but let me promise you that it works. My tried and tested tip is to ‘fake it.’ Not in the sense that you should act ‘fake’ or over-the-top, but fake your confidence levels in general!
I have used this trick on many occasions and it has always worked (remember I’m a shy person, so if I can do it, you can too). So let me explain. When you’re feeling nervous about something – especially in a situation where you have to ‘present’ yourself and leave a good impression, you must always remember that these nerves are in your head. But if you ‘act’ confident, guess what? You begin to feel confident. Your date will not notice. The only time they will know that you are nervous is if you say ‘I’m nervous.’ Therefore pretending to be confident can often disguise this.
Acting confident can push your true confidence to gradually come out. But how do we act confident? Simple things like a big smile, good posture and making a little joke here and there can help to give off an illusion of confidence. As time goes by, the nerves will fade and you’ll be distracted from your nerves anyway because you’ll be more focused on the person you are on a date with instead of yourself.
However, if you have problems doing these things, my advice would be to focus more of your energy on the person you are with for a while until you feel more relaxed. For example, ask them more questions. Pay more interest and ask them to elaborate on things as it shows that you are a good listener which gives you a little extra time to think about what you want to say as you become more comfortable.
You should also rejoice on the fact that even the most confident of people slip up in these situations and you just have to remember that we are all human. If I have learned anything from these awkward situations it is this:
Laugh at yourself.
Why? Because they are probably a nervous too, so in a way if you do something to embarrass yourself, more often than not it breaks the ice a little bit. Dating should be something fun and enjoyable and if you’re able to have a laugh between you it will take the edge off a little.
What about confidence in relationships?
People may not think this is an issue, but it varies greatly depending on the context. In relationships, nine-times-out-of-ten confidence and trust go hand in hand. Plus, it’s not solely concentrated on personal confidence but also on having confidence in your partner and the confidence in your overall relationship which can take a while to achieve but once it is established, it becomes something that should be nurtured and appreciated above all else.
You should always have confidence in your partner because if you don’t then why on earth are you in a relationship with them? If you have doubts then you should discuss it with them however you should be prepared that trust can take a while to rebuild…
Another thing to consider is that in some relationships (not all), individuals can tend to lose their identities and a sense of who they are. Just because you are with someone this does not mean that you should neglect yourself. You should make an effort to feel confident and proud as an individual, not just as a couple. Your partner is lucky to have you and you should own that with pride.
When you have self-confidence this really helps to build trust and reduce feelings of insecurity or jealousy which are some of the most common problems. Although, it is important to note that you should be confident, not cocky as there is a very fine line. Do not confuse confidence for compliance in life; especially within a relationship. Know what you have and appreciate it but don’t think that you are god’s gift and try to abuse that.
Of course there are people who are naturally confident (lucky them, huh?), but more often than not that confidence stemmed from somewhere. Now you’re the one putting on the show so it’s all about creating illusions, presenting the best part of yourself and being confident enough to laugh at yourself because nobody can be perfect – but this is what creates true confidence; an acceptance of self including your faults.
Still single? Want to improve your confidence in dating?
MyEventBucket are hosting the most elegant Tango dating event of 2013!
Location: The Law Society,
113 Chancery Ln, London WC2A 1PL
Tuesday 1st October 2013
Dress Code: Elegant
* £13.50 per person (includes a Tango class and a complementary drink of your choice).
This is ideal for singles, London professionals and for people who enjoy social networking with a twist. No dance experience is required. Places are limited so reserve your ticket here:
Do not miss out on this totally unique and amazing experience.
We can’t wait to tango with you!
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